Chapter 24: Fishing Wi’ a Sausage
Chapter 24: Keyword Research: You Wouldnae Fish Wi’ a Sausage!
“Guessin’ keywords is like fishin’ wi’ a sausage — only thing yer catchin’ is confusion.”
Boab’s Bar Chat
It’s a Monday afternoon and I’ve just returned fae a wee solo fishin’ trip tae clear ma heid and “get away fae it aw.”
Instead, I cleared ma flask, got midgie-bit tae hell, and caught absolutely nowt. I slump at the bar, dejected, smellin’ like rain and disappointment.
Sandra wanders by, clockin’ the empty cooler bag.
“Did ye catch anything?”
I shake ma heid. “Nothin’ but a sunstroke and half a packet o’ Mini Cheddars.”
“What bait were ye usin’?” she asks.
“Leftover sausages,” I mumble.
She stares at me. “For trout, Boab?”
“Aye?”
She just walks away, mutterin’ somethin’ about natural selection.
That’s when Daz looks up, one eyebrow already halfway tae the ceiling.
“Ye went fishin’ wi’ sausages, ya numpty?”
I nod. “Felt tactical. Felt right at the time.”
“Aye,” he says. “Great choice if yer target was seagulls wi’ high cholesterol.”
“Did ye even look it up?” Daz asks. “Best bait for trout loch fishin’? Even just a quick search?”
I shrug. “Naw. Just went wi’ what was in the fridge.”
He leans in, doin’ that Daz thing where he sounds like he’s explainin’ nuclear physics wi’ a pint.
“That’s exactly the same as publishin’ stuff online wi’oot doin’ any keyword research.”
I blink. “Eh?”
“Guessin’ what folk search for is fishin’ wi’ a sausage!”
I nod slowly. “So instead o’ throwin’ oot random vibes, I need tae know what folk are actually typin’ into Google and TikTok?”
“Aye!” he says, gettin’ into his rhythm now.
“Search trends, long-tail keywords — that’s no a fish by the way — even questions folk ask like ‘Best pies near me’ or ‘Where can I sing Total Eclipse badly on a Tuesday?’ That’s the bait. Once ye’ve got that, then ye make the content.”
I sit back, lettin’ it settle.
“So it’s no just blogs. It’s TikToks, reels, video titles, even menu items…”
“Aye,” says Daz. “Call it keyword research, call it empathy wi’ a search engine — it’s how ye stop castin’ into the void.”
And with that, he downs the last of his pint, stands up, and zips his jacket.
“Right, talkin’ about fishin’s made me hungry. I’m aff tae get a fish supper — and a single sausage!”
TreeTopFrog’s Roast Dinner
Classic Boab — chuckin’ sausages into a loch and expectin’ a trout with a taste for pork.
But Daz? Daz gets it. He’s been listenin’.
He knows ye can still post for fun, for buzz, for community — but when it matters?
When ye want found, booked, and clicked?
Ye start with what folk are actually searchin’ for.
That’s keyword research.
No just for service pages — but for blog posts, ads, FAQs, TikToks, YouTube videos, even product names and menu items.
It’s how ye turn content into a compass — pointin’ folk straight to yer front door.
It’s no magic. It’s insight. It’s empathy. It’s Daz-level smart.
Be like Daz. Don’t be a silly sausage.
🐸 The Frog Fishing Framework
Now let’s make it simple enough even Boab can follow.
🎣 The Hook — Yer offer. Yer headline. The thing that makes someone stop scrollin’ and pay attention. If yer hook’s dull, naebody’s bitin’.
🌭 The Bait — Yer keywords. Yer search intent. Yer on-page content. Yer ad copy. Researched and designed to attract what folk are actually searchin’ for. Get this wrong and ye’re Boab — chuckin’ sausages at trout. Get it right and they come tae you.
🐟 The Fish — Yer ideal customers. No every fish in the loch is worth catchin’. Ye want the ones who’ll book, buy, or pick up the phone — no the ones who just nibble and swim away.
🌊 The Loch — The platform. The channel. Where yer fish are actually swimmin’. Nae point castin’ intae a puddle when yer customers are in the river next door.
Checklist: Castin’ Content That Actually Hooks
Research Before You Write
Use tools (or ask yer agency) to find what folk are typin’ in. No guesswork — just data.
Think Beyond Google
TikTok, YouTube, even voice search. Where are yer folk hangin’ out?
Know Yer Loch
No point castin’ the perfect bait into the wrong water. Find out where yer customers actually hang oot — then show up there.
Use Questions as Bait
Start with “How to…”, “Best place for…”, or “Where can I…” — and answer them properly.
Make It Match the Moment
If folk are searchin’ for summer beer gardens, don’t post a Christmas cracker blog.
Test the Waters
See what gets bites. Change the hook. Try different formats. Reels, shorts, blog posts — it’s all fair game.
Link Back to Yer Pub (or Product)
All this effort should lead somewhere — ideally a page where folk can book, buy, or belly-laugh.
Boab’s Buzzwords
- Keyword Research
- Finding out what folk are actually searchin’ for — instead o’ guessin’ and hopin’ Google’s psychic.
- On-Page Content
- The content on yer actual website that tells search engines and visitors what ye do. Optimise it and ye’ve got a great spot at the loch.
- Content Strategy
- The plan. The big yin. Where, why and how ye publish. And if ye don’t have one, ye’ve already lost.
- Long-Tail Keywords
- The oddly specific stuff like “best dog-friendly pub with darts near Dunfermline.” Not a fish. Sadly.
- Search Intent
- What folk really mean when they type somethin’ in. If someone searches “darts near me” they don’t want a history lesson — they want gravy.
- Trending Terms
- What’s hot right now. Could be pies, could be pints, could be prankin’ yer da on TikTok. Stay alert.
- Castin’ into the Void
- What happens when ye write content without research. Might as well shout “pies!” into a skip.
🐶 Pixel’s Final Word:
“Boab’s lucky he never caught anythin’ — imagine explainin’ trout-borne food poisoning tae NHS24.”